'Griccia' è un termine usato dagli antichi tessitori della seta del xiv e xv secolo, indicante un fregio a sviluppo in genere verticale, come un tronco che sostiene elementi decorativi come l'ananas, la pigna e il melograno.

giovedì 27 gennaio 2011

Ricordi - ‘Memories’

Riordinando le mie cose ho ritrovato un fascio di foto di una vacanza che facemmo in montagna. oramai 12 anni fa.
Siamo tutti belli, abbronzati, rilassati. I miei figli sorridono, un po’ in posa per far contento il fotografo. Mio marito sembra un divo del cinema. Sembriamo l’immagine della famiglia felice e se me lo aveste chiesto, vi avrei detto che fu una vacanza felice.

Tiding up my stuff I found a bundle of photographs taken during a Winter holiday some 12 years ago.
We are all handsome, tanned, relaxed. My children are smiling, posing to make the photographer happy. My husband looks like a movie star. We look as the image of the happy family, and had you asked me I would have answered that it was a happy holiday.


blog2011 1-6
E allora perché questo pugno nello stomaco, questa tristezza e questo assalto di sofferenza? Ho il desiderio di seppellire nuovamente queste foto in fondo ad un cassetto. Non è il rimpianto del tempo che passa, la nostalgia di quando avevo i bambini a casa, l’immagine di una me più giovane e piena di energia.

I wonder why I am feeling like someone punched me in the stomach, why this sadness, this assault of pain? I have the wish to bury  these photos again at the bottom of a drawer. It is not the regret of the passing of time, the longing of a period in which my children were living with me, the image of a younger and more vigorous me.


Credo di essermi ritrovata all’improvviso, quindi senza difese attentamente costruite, di fronte ad un passato in cui facevo finta che tutto andasse bene, in cui recitavo una parte in cui non ci fossero tradimenti, illusioni e bugie. Sono stata colta di sorpresa.
DSCN6304
Sapevo di essere infelice, ma non sapevo quanto. Ora la mia vita è più semplice, onesta e serena, ma mi meraviglia questa vulneraibilità alle ombre di ieri. Per fortuna riesco a guardare oltre ed a lasciarmi il passato alle spalle.

I think that I suddenly found myself, therefore without carefully built defenses, in front of a past in which I feigned that everything was fine, in which I played a role where there weren’t betrayals, delusions and lies. I was caught unaware.


I knew that I was unhappy, but I didn’t know how much. Now my life is simpler, more honest and serene but I marvel to this vulnerability to yesterday’s shadows. Luckily I can look forward and leave my past behind.


Copia di DSCN6211

Intanto la lavorazione del mio Solstice Cardigan prosegue.
In the mean time the knitting of my Solstice Cardigan is advancing.

7 commenti:

  1. Perhaps your sadness was due to knowing that time, which is so precious, was wasted on the effort of those betrayals? That if you had made changes earlier you might have been happier quicker? I am just supposing here of course. I know that when I think back to periods where I was unhappy I am of mixed feelings: I should have acted/spoken out sooner, but then I think did I need that bad time to move on to this good time; did it teach me some important lessons?
    I like to think that as I'm getting older I am becoming more in charge of my own happiness, which definitely was not true in my youth. It's just a pity that it took me so long to learn these things!
    I hope those shadows will pass you by quickly so you can get back to the sunshine. Your cardigan is gorgeous - it would be hard to stay sad for too long looking at that beautiful spring green.

    RispondiElimina
  2. When I was youger I too expected my happyness to come from others. I learned the hard way that I am the only master of it (by controlling my expectations, acceptance, attitude...) so I fully agree with what you say. In my case though I chose not to make changes while my children where growing, so I have no regrets in this sense.
    Thank you for your nice words, knowing that you understand what I wanted to say is a leap forward to that sunshine that you mention!

    RispondiElimina
  3. Non ci credo che eri infelice, con quei figli meravigliosi come è possibile? Tutti belli come il sole, chissà quante soddisfazioni ti hanno dato. Forse non era una felicità completa come avresti voluto tu, ma quella chi riesce a raggiungerla? C'è sempre qualche tassello mancante al grande puzzle della vita. Sono sicura che non cambieresti nulla del tuo vissuto perchè per cancellare i periodi brutti dovresti irrimediabilmente rinunciare e perdere anche i momenti felici di quel periodo che se ci pensi bene ci sono stati. Non tormentarti ricordando i momenti negativi ma gioisci per quello che hai e hai avuto.
    Il cardigan è meraviglioso. Non sono ancora prontissima ma vedendo il tuo ho deciso di iniziare. Mi tengo due lavori avviati e finirò per primo quello che mi darà più soddisfazione. Un abbraccio affettuoso. Graziella.

    RispondiElimina
  4. I think this is what we do as parents. Make sure the children are happy even if that means you are not. Looking back on it it may not have been the right thing to do but at the time that was all you could do. So really, you did the right thing :) The good part is now you are happy for real.

    RispondiElimina
  5. Well, maybe books, films ... try to sell us the "continuos happiness feeling". But, when you grow old you understand that there are moments of happiness but they don't last forever. And, having children is amazing but is also "connected" with a lot of worry, work ... and also great moments of happiness, too. Being a mum is a great experience but not the easiest one !!! ... ^____^

    RispondiElimina
  6. non posso aggiungere niente a quello che ha detto cosi bene kristy.
    solo un caldo abbraccio sapendo che ora sei in commando di tua vita.e piacere di vederti!

    RispondiElimina
  7. i think your wisdom and inner peace are shining through. you are so right that it takes maturity to understand that happiness is a personal choice and definitely comes from within. if you do not truly respect and like who you are you will not be authentic in your relationships. sometimes we need to live through painful times to get to good times and appreciate the good times fully. i say bravo. the journey you have taken to get where you are has shaped you to be the amazing woman that you are

    RispondiElimina